What a month, right? I don’t know if it’s because I’m getting old, or because I live up north now, or what, but they just don’t make August like they used to. It has been hard to stay centered this month, with all of the publicized unrest happening all around. A lot of effort has gone into reminding myself of The Self– which means being at ease with whatever is happening. Here are the things I learned in the midst of that effort:
1. No Church In The Wild
The last time I blogged was towards the end of July and it was directly related to the violence in Gaza. A few weeks later, Mike Brown was murdered and I found it so difficult to not see the world through trouble colored glasses. All this spinning destruction, chaos, and indecency was taking its toll.
There were a few things that kept me from going over the deep end though: a) Mooji’s constant reminder to stay as the Self, b) a *feather moment, c) a dharma talk that reminded me that these tragedies are not new to mankind, in fact, so long as man has taken on the idea of being separate, there has been trouble, d) and the momentum of practice that kept me mindful of every emotional state as a passing sensation and with no fixed sense of “me” making it happen or being affected by it.
Just like yoga, just like meditation, I come back to the breath — to the simplicity of aliveness and knowing nothing at all.
2. I’m aiight, I’m aiight
This happened early in the month:
*I was driving home early one morning and started having a mental attack consisting of all kinds of “you should be” and “if only” and “you’re not good enough.” Normally I whisk away such foolishness from my mind, but this enemy caught me with my guard down and I spent a good 5 minutes completely involved in the mental agonizing. It mostly likely would have continued throughout the morning had it not been for the Angels’ intervention. I parked my car, opened the door, and immediately saw a feather lying patiently on the ground. “Oh yeah,” I said. I laughed and moved on. This was my one of my favorite moments of the month.*
I’ll say this: you may not believe in Angels and feathers or any of that, neither did I until fairly recently. But you need something, almost anything, to serve as a reminder and a sign that You Are Ok, As You Are. You are complete and whole and the perfect expression of Perfect Creation. If you’re not getting that divine head-nod from time to time, you will fall for the mind/ego’s tricks much too often. Whether it be a lucky number, a favorite color, a certain choice of words paired together — designate something from this physical realm to constantly remind you of your Divine realness.
3. I’m aiight, I’m aiight….continued
That feather moment led me to really think about how foolish it is to worry about what “should” be and whether I’m “good enough.” The things I do these days, the things I am capable of, would be unheard of by a not much younger version of myself. The growth is substantial, tangible, and pervasive throughout all aspects of my life. If you had offered this way of life and being to me 5 years ago, I would have agreed before you could finish speaking. And yet the mind complains? Worries? Judges? This tells me all I need to know about the mind and its antics. It is not to be trusted, attended to, or bothered with. Just leave it alone.
4. I need a cry
My spirt has been asking for it, my body craves the release. There was a small whimper during the night while dreaming a few days ago, but that won’t do it. Something in here wants to be let go and I get the sense that a good old fashioned snotty nose, face drench would do the trick. But in the words of the great Alanis Morrissette, ‘it would not come.’
Alright, your turn. How was your August? Can you describe it in the form of a Jay-Z song title? What are your Divine Head-Nods? What do you do when you’re due for a good cry but nothing’s making it happen?