Things I Learned — May 19

Alright let us get into a couple of things that happened in my world this weekend I thought would be nice to give to the internet to store for all time….


 Numero Uno: The Ones We Give Our Best To


Dang Shame

Dang Shame


I never had a professional massage until Friday. Yes, I was also shocked that a supporter of the  Hedonist lifestyle has not engaged in the most basic of all pampering activities. But no, it has never been an itch of mine to scratch so it has gone undone for 38+ years. As a matter of fact, the only reason I attended this session is because Katy refused to use the Groupon I bought for her as a gift. This was about a year ago. But since we are working on the first chakra this season and the book we’re using explicitly said “TREAT YO SELF,” I decided to make the appointment.

I didn’t like it. It wasn’t for me. I don’t get all the hype.

Laying on the table led me to realize that although I was not enjoying the experience, the woman performing the service was probably pretty good at what she does. She is a professional in the arts of massage, working in a nice chiropractic office, earning a living and everything. And then I wondered, “does she ever give her husband or wife a massage?” Do her talents go wasted at home because “I’ll be damned if I knead strange backs all day just to come here and rub you out too.”  I am thinking that is probably the case and if so then what a tragic waste of great talent. I would have rather her significant other came in during this time and taken my Groupon to experience how good she is at what she does.

Then I thought, “Do I hold back my talents from Katy like that? Does she do it to me? Is this a thing where everybody in relationships are saving their best for when they’re at work but then get home and just slouch it out?”

Well if you know me then you know I cannot have that. Gotta give my wife the best parts of me while I can. Which means empathy, compassion, great listening skills, problem solving, wise feedback, peace, understanding, unconditional approval — these are things I do naturally and quite well as a therapist but maybe not so much at home. This weekend I learned that I needed to be at work while at home way more often than I have been.


Number Two: The Demon (not) In My Bed


Do you know anyone who has been exorcised?

Do you know anyone who knows anyone who has been exorcised?

Katy and I were alone in the streets  for maybe the second or third time since Maya was born. We don’t like leaving our kid with people. We are selfish like that. Even while sitting there Katy began to complain about feeling “guilty” for leaving him for a couple of hours with her mom and sister while we ran some errands at the mall — toddler free.

If you’ve ever had a toddler then you know how much of a difference running errands at the mall can be with toddler or without toddler. Pro Tip: When possible, always choose without toddler.

Anyway, I poo-pooed the notion that we have anything to be guilty for because we never get a chance to just hang out as two people who enjoy each others company… let’s get drinks! 

Well one drink leads to two and next thing I know Katy is telling me a real life story about how her folk thought she was possessed as a kid back in the Dominican Republic and so they went ahead and performed an exorcism on her to get that demon out!

I was like:


Iono….I feel like that’s something you might tell somebody before y’all get married and stuff. Especially since she knows I’m going to love her no matter what…demon or not, she’s the one. 

We’d just have demon babies. demonbaby

And go to demon BBQs. demonbbq

Maybe we could play demon monopoly where Boardwalk and Park Place are replaced by Dante’s circles of hell. 

But all of that is moot because the procedure was deemed a success and the demon has not been heard from since. 

Good times. 


And you? What beautiful things did you encounter over the past few days? 


One comment on “Things I Learned — May 19

  1. This cracked me up. You are too funny.

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