Katy and I have come to this understanding that we may just never get along. Our personalities are just too different: she’s hot, I’m cold…she’s expressive, I’m closed off…she’s a planner, I’m in love with flying by the seat of my pants….she’s SO serious, I play WAY too much…she says papas and I say potato….you get the point: We’re different. If you look at our personality stats on a sheet of paper you would inevitably place bets on our eventual demise.
But you’d lose.
The one thing we have in common happens to be the most important. It involves the commitment to not live from the personality but to use character traits as entry ways into Divine Presence. It involves the commitment to each other’s Path, no matter what. And it involves the trial tested belief that we were born into our individual bodies and conditions specifically for the purpose of aiding one another towards that highest goal.
So we argue all the time. As a matter of fact, I think we are low-key in an argument right now. Having Xhoja here for the summer has made it more difficult for us to blatantly complain about whatever foolishness is threatening our egos’ false sense of security or happiness. So today we are exchanging cute little “this is why I have an attitude with you” and “this is why I’m not as loving lately” emails.
In the spirit of creating peace at home and in relationships, I will list the top three things I need to do for there to be more peace at 1402 Faulkner Court.
1. I do not have to say everything that comes to mind
This transgression falls under two categories for me: a) Jokes b) Trying to make a point
a) As stated earlier, I play WAY TOO MUCH. I always got a joke, and for someone like Katy (so serious) this is hard to understand or accept. I have to learn how to let some of her shenanigans go by without giving in to the clowning urge. Man, I loves to clown. I come from a long line of clowns. My grandmother is a clowning professional and if you come to thanksgiving with a soft heart, You Will Cry before the turkey is served. A day did not go by in my house where my mother or father would reply “Your Momma” to the other’s attempt at critiquing their way of life.
Katy don’t like nobody talking about her momma.
b) I am a good one for trying to get Katy to use the language I would use to describe a situation. Like, just because I’ve decided not to make “should” statements, why do I have to force and question her every time she does? That’s MY practice. Also, I wouldn’t do that to a stranger on the street, cuz it’s rude, so why am I doing it to Katy? Yup. Gotta improve in this area.
*Not for nothing, Katy tells a lot of intricate and involved stories. I have heard this is prevalent for women in our society. The late great Patrice O’Neal offered a wonderful solution for us guys who want to know what’s going on in the lives of our significant others but are not willing to commit to hearing the whole story: Ask Her to tell you how the story ends first. Armed with this knowledge, you can decide if hearing the whole tale is worthy of 15 minutes plus the post-recanting question and answer session.
2. I do need to talk more though
This is just the story of my existence. I do not talk a lot. And it’s a natural human tendency to fill the void left by my silence with assumptions and conjecture. I fail to tell Katy how happy I am, and satisfied, and how much I appreciate every thing about her and our contentious personality duels. If I were living up to my true potential I would write her a poem every day that said something like:
No one needs to look behind this great man.
You are first…before me..
your love makes me.
your devotion sustains me.
I am full in your presence,
moved by your love.
these words lack the truth of your
3. Give More Time
What I say or don’t say is meaningless when it comes to how much time I spend with my lover. I am a fierce defender of personal space — and I believe the road to freedom goes directly through the city of Solitude. But no man is an island, and my commitment to this relationship means I need set aside time for being with my significant other. She deserves it, and frankly, I need it as much as she does. So I gotta stop being that way.
I tell you, my favorite part of the day is going into the bedroom for a nice meditation session followed by watching Mooji talk about the same thing he talked about the day before. I LOVE it. But yeah, some days I need to just sit on the couch with Katy and shoot the breeze about why Maya will probably grow up to be an evil dictator.
Well that’s all I gotta say about that. If you’re still thirsty for more peace at home posts, here are a few that stood this month: