Let Me Be Honest

Let me be honest with you. Life aint always beds and pillows. Sometimes it’s hard floors and hard knocks. Not only do we not get out of it alive; we’re not going to finish living without gathering scars here and there. There is pain searching for you right now. Disappointment is around the corner. You’ll be sad. It’s going to hurt. And guess what else? For the most part, things just aren’t going to go the way you originally planned. Nope. This is living, there’s no easy way to put it.

And maybe you’re like me. Maybe you’ve stared at the filth of your own creation and felt the responsibility for the pain that sits heavily upon your shoulders. Maybe you were huddled over some brown liquor at a bar when this happened. Staring into the meaningless of existence. Maybe you were lying next to that week’s stranger, wrapped in blankets of shame and regret. Sweating out the guilt of your decisive actions. If you’re anything like me, anything at all, then you know what I’m talking about. You’ve felt the layered decades of debacle, mayhem and despair cascading over your spirit with no regard for how you want to feel instead. Maybe, if you’re like me, you’ve been desperate to be rescued from yourself. You’ve knelt and prayed to Whoever would listen for a deliverance; for a string, not even a rope, just a string of hope to grasp. You cry and feel pain as a result of your own existence; knowing you are the author of your despair.

I’m just being honest. I don’t want anyone to think I’m overlooking the realities of being alive, just because I stumbled upon a rope to grasp. Just because from time to time, when the judgments of my ego are not playing over and over in my mind, I see the light of Beauty and Love shining brightly from within my soul. Trust me, I SEE the layers of dirt that are trying to hide this light.

This Little Light of Mine

And you better be sure I have made a vow to my Self to begin peeling away these layers, step by step, day by day, until all I see is Light. But because I know it’s there, despite my ego’s attempts to remind me of how blind of a life I have led to a certain point; because I know it’s there, I’m in love with Life.

I welcome that pain that is looking for me, because I know it will grow me. That’s what happens in the Light.  Bring on the disappointment that is waiting around the corner. I need that reminder, as often as possible, to ground my expectations on things that will never disappoint (like Beauty, Truth, and Love). I’m excited about experiencing the life that I haven’t planned. I’ve found this ride to be far more beneficial when Life unfolds as it will, without my meddling plans in the way.

So if you are like me, then there’s much beauty inside of you. You are talented and spirited and full of love. You’re capable, you’re wonderful and a master lover. You are happy, you are stubbornly thankful, you are in love with everything. If anyone is anything like I am, then they know there is a light that shines so bright inside of their soul that is never diminished, is always calm, and is always waiting for them  to come back home. You are stronger than your habits, you are greater than your identity, you are eternal.

I’m just being honest.

I’m in a good place today. I love everything. I live everything. Yup.

K

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2 comments on “Let Me Be Honest

  1. Great post. My struggle with life is dealing with people that wouldn’t do the same thing I would do for them. In life, all I want are genuinely nice people to share it with. =)

    • kenajos says:

      Hey Oge! Thanks for commenting. In my experience, we attract the people and experiences that 1) match our emotional vibration and 2) provide us with growing opportunities. Everyone is our teacher and our lover, even the ones that ANNOY the hell outta us…the bastards. lol Peace to You!

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