I am very grateful for this Path. I am lucky to have been born in an environment that stressed a transcendental relationship. I am lucky to have been given this seeking spirit which prevented me from being content with old answers and other people’s ideas of Deity and Life. I am lucky to have the intellect it takes to unravel religious misdirections, spiritual reflections, and divine connections. I am lucky to have not forced anything, yet be awakened to Life’s mysteries.
My first awakening experience seemingly came out of nowhere. But in truth it was the result of a lot of mental and emotional preparation. It was necessary that I let go the titles and beliefs of old religion in order to create the necessary space for Life to approach my consciousness with a piece of the truth. That is all you need you know, just a piece of truth can lead you all the way. Anyway, after all of the crying and such that went along with coming to terms with not being a Christian, Life came to me in the middle of the night and expressed Self to me. I wrote down every word.
To this day I have very little idea what was said that night. Oddly, I lost that file, despite still having almost every other thing I’ve written since 2001. I like to say maybe it was meant to be, so that I may live instead of relating to some words written in the middle of some crazy out of body experience. But most likely I probably just went back to sleep that night without saving. I have fond memories of what I wrote as being the dopest, most insightful look into the creation’s inner-workings of all time. Maybe it was, maybe it wasn’t, but the things I took away from it have guided my practice to this day.
I remember: 1) I am not my body, there is a Self to be experienced outside of this awareness…this is the Purpose of intellectual incarnation..and it is a law of the Universe…. 2) “Creation” is a misnomer…this world was not created at some point in time and now we are here…it is continually in the process of being created AND creating…Process being an underlying law of the universe… 3) The Creator, whatever that may be, is simply that..an entity of creation that found It could do no better than pour Self into Its creation…therefore no longer existing but always existing…this is the first Paradox and an underlying law of the Universe…4) Which means everything is connected, and these connections often reveal themselves through perceived coincidences. 5) Life is to be Enjoyed.
What I love about the whole thing is there are no rules…two of those Universal Laws prevent anything from being constant: Process and Paradox. Therefore, although I came to these conclusions in the middle of the night some 10 years ago, I know that experience and applied knowledge causes re-evaluation at various points of my life.
I think I’ve reached one of those points. In regards to #5: Life is to be Enjoyed. Still true, but not to the extent I ran with before. First of all, Hedonism gets a bad rap. Most people think of it as a balls to the walls, out of control type of life. But true Hedonism is about doing Everything in Moderation. I vowed to live this motto, seeking pleasure in all of the vices my corner of the world had to offer. Being human, I often strayed from the “moderation” portion of that motto…but definitely stayed true to Everything. My call to action was “Might As Well.” For instance:
“hey KenJos, you wanna drink tonight?”
“Yup! Might as well!”
“How about an unscheduled roadtrip?”
“Yup! Might as well!”
Ah the good old days right? Maybe the youthful urges have worn off, or maybe I’m actually growing and learning more about the Path I’m on. But I’ve come to realize that seeking pleausre in worldly activities gets in the way of knowing Self…and I cannot have that.
Notice I said “seeking” pleasure as opposed to “finding” pleasure. There is nothing wrong with having pleasureable experiences, I still believe life is to be fully enjoyed. I just now understand how I can have these experiences on the way to seeking Self in everything I do.
I wanted to name this post “Hedonist no more,” but that would be ridiculous. I can still practice the art and science of Hedonism within the framework of meditation, study, detachment, and practice. I think…