For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God. I think we fail to remember this at times. You don’t have to believe in the Judeo/Christian/Muslim definition of sin; just be aware that we all do things in the course of our lives that are not quite as beautiful as the Light of the Source that dwells within us. It seems we fail to remember this fundamental fact about being human. We all screw up from time to time. That includes our pastors, politicians, gurus, teachers, reporters, grocery store clerks, mentors, husbands, and wives. We all have the skeletons, the seedy thoughts, the past misdeeds, something that we’ll never be proud to put on blast to the rest of the world.
I certainly do.
While sitting this morning, I found myself sending compassion out into the world. At which point my thoughts fell upon the gentleman who has come into a great amount of fire and speculation down in Atlanta, GA. Sitting with these thoughts led me to a surprising place in which I could not differentiate between whether I was sending compassion to him or to myself, because I saw myself in his place. Katy often tries to remind me of how special my certain message is for anyone who would listen, and sometimes I believe her. A friend of mine called me “awesome” yesterday, to which I replied “thanks for saying that because I usually forget people think of me that way.” The thing is, I KNOW me. I know what I’ve done and I know what I’m capable of doing. I can easily name ten people I’ve hurt, I know the lies I have told, and I could speak all day about the sins I’ve committed while living. So it’s difficult for me to think that someone like that; someone so low and disgusting, could have anything worthwhile to offer to humanity. Sure, I can put on a good face, but oh boy what if people really knew about me?
This morning, after becoming One with he who has been disgraced, I realized that the Light that I speak from has nothing to do with the struggles of my person. The message outweighs the messenger. But I also realized that we begin to forget, after spending some time in the light, that those who speak are merely tools of the Spirit and not fully the embodiment of that Spirit themselves. Those who hear, as well as those who speak, become fooled by the purity of the message; fooled into thinking that only a chaste, good, and virtuous person could ever speak of Beauty, Truth and Love in such a way. But that’s not true. The Truth lies inside of every one of us, waiting to be shouted and sung and written about. Our humanity does not make our message any less legitimate. Prior to today I’ve never heard this particular gentleman’s message, but I am aware of a number of people who have received insight into their spiritual journey through his ability to convey what the god of his heart whispers to him in prayerful silence. Maybe he did what he’s accused of, maybe he did not. But how much better received would all of this be if our leaders, parents, brothers and sisters were able to reveal their shortcomings to the world and also feel confident that the gifts given to them by our creator would be honestly evaluated? Not assessed as “the words of a sinner” or “the ramblings of a cheater” or “the meanderings of a thief.” Rather let them be heard as if they were coming from a human being, who sometimes makes human mistakes, but every day is trying to grow better.
That’s who I am.
And for these reasons I’m coming clean today. Let it not be said that I pretend to be anything other than I am not. For I know that the Purpose of Life speaks with me, that my joy is meaningfully contagious, and my gifts are necessary for my time. Whenever you see me speak of Beauty and Love, know that the words are coming from a sinner. If you should ever encounter me and I have the privilege of telling you how blessed we all are, and how good life is, and how grateful I feel. Please understand that these things are being said by someone who has cheated on wife and girlfriends, has lied to save himself, and has stolen from children. When you read my blogs and I get on about meditation, and loving life, and growing spiritually; I beg you to remember that I am one of those absent fathers you detest so much. You know the kind with a son who he hasn’t seen in five years and doesn’t provide for at all. If ever you hear from me, and I tell you how all is well and that everything is beautiful. Don’t forget that I’m saying that with no less than four broken hearts under my belt.
All of it is true. The good things I believe and the bad deeds I’ve done are all true. The dirty, ugly, sparkling refreshing Truth exists within me as it exists within you. Divinity lives in, as, and through me. And maybe, just maybe, if we all start being honest with each other about who we really are, we’d actually be able to hear and live our message.
I am 34 years old. With luck and continued blessings, I still have more than half of my time left in this world. I have been so many different people over the course of my years yet I continue to be given the opportunity to keep creating Me. I am thankful for the way Life understands it takes a full lifetime to come back to ourSelves.
That is where I’m going.
P.S. The message is not separate from the messenger. But that topic will be discussed further at another time.