I didn’t want to meditate this morning. I just didn’t feel like it. A conversation played out in my head while I brushed my teeth and it went something like this:
“Why don’t I want to meditate today? Why am I asking why? I don’t do that. Anyway, I don’t want to meditate today, I wonder what that’s about. I feel fine. I’m in a pretty decent mood. Hmmm. Well, I don’t want to so am I gonna skip it? No. That’s interesting. So I feel like it’s something I have to do even when I don’t want to. No, I don’t HAVE to do it. I could definitely choose not to. Ok, so I still have options, yet I’m choosing to do something I don’t feel like doing. I almost never do that. So what is it about meditation that leads me to this decision I almost never make? Hmmm. I guess I’m trying to get something out of it. Yeah? What? I don’t even know. I just know I need to do it in order to get there. Without even knowing where ‘there’ is? Yeah. Oh.”
And then I sat.
And moments later I had a realization.
Thoughts of yesterday’s shenanigans and plans for today immediately swarmed my mind as they usually do during this time. My emotional body chimed in as I processed feelings related to the onslaught of those thoughts. Frustration came and went away. Joy came and went away. Excitement came and went away. There was hope, sadness, and even fear snuck in an appearance.
So I have all of these things swirling around me as I sit there, trying to focus on the breath, doing my best. Then the Voice said, “These are not You.”
Those are just thoughts. They are not real nor are they Me.
Those are just feelings. They are not real nor are they Me.
That’s when I realized why I meditate every day, even when I don’t want to. I pick up so much STUFF throughout the day to identify with, define as reality, prioritize, believe in, internalize, love, protect, and so on and so forth. All of this stuff, and none of it is who I Am.
I Am the Center. I Am the stillness. I Am a unique incarnation of Divinity. I Am Peace. I Am Love.
And everything else is just stuff.