She asked if I was happy.
My honest reply is: “Yes. I am a lot of things.”
I’ve tried to choose one thought/subject/feeling to blog about this week but I haven’t been able to settle upon anything because right now I am a lot of things. Therefore, instead of a blog about one particular thing; I will honor the spirit of my mood and say what’s on my mind. Prepare yourselves.
1. Today is the first day of Winter. The Solstice. The longest night of the year. With the change of the season, I cannot help but notice how my life is changing right along with it. Today marks the first full day of my living alone for the first time in a few years. The first full day of separation from someone who has been a close companion for nearly two years. I’m starting two new jobs, one of which I just picked up today. To recap: I now live alone, am single and have two new jobs.
Now what if I defined myself by these transitional things? It would mean that the First Day of Winter KenJos is the exact opposite of the First Day of Autumn KenJos. And that guy would barely be recognized by the First Day of Spring KenJos. Seasons Change. People Change. (S)elf stays the same. During this time of transition I must remind myself that I am none of these titles or circumstances. I am Soul. Eternal. Love. This is my anchor and my stability. Or else, all effort is just waste.
2. In 10 days I will celebrate my 34th birthday. I look forward to this being the year that I begin to run toward Purpose instead of shying away from It. I’ve had a great game of Hide-N-Go-Seek with Purpose for the past few years. I am not blind to existence; nor am I confused about why I’m here and who I’m here to spend my life with. I’ve been lucky enough to have known for quite some time. But with that knowledge comes a responsibility to passion that I have failed to cultivate in lieu of the many distractions this world provides. A few weeks back I asked Samyama: “How do I keep myself from being engrossed by worldly matters? I love living so much that I get caught up in the fun of it and ignore the actual work I’m here to do. Help me learn how not to be so much in love with the pleasures of the world.” I know I need to focus on my spiritual practice, (“We are not humans beings having a spiritual experience, we are spiritual beings having a human experience”). I know this. I know the union of my soul with Everything is the Purpose of this journey. But I’ll be damned if television isn’t so entertaining! And there’s this party I really want to go to! And I can play kickball on Wednesday OR go to Satsang? Kickball it is! The world entices, and I go along with it almost every time.
Samyama prescribed a book for me to read, then sent me on my way. At first I was a little put off by the lack of attention to my burning problem! And my ego was quick to point out how much more in-depth she went into everyone else’s issues, but for me it’s ‘read a book.’ But hey, she’s a masterful being for a reason. It was the reading of that book, and the implementation of intuitions I received as a result of reading, that has given me hope for the upcoming 34th year. Today I am focused.
3. On a semi-related note. I want to speak on this phenomenon I’ve noticed on Facebook and Twitter. What’s up with telling people not to make new years resolutions because they’re “just going to fail this year like they did last year and the year before that.” I promise you, if we spend more time supporting one another, loving each other and speaking positivity into each other’s life, there will be far fewer “failed resolutions.” I challenge everyone to look for ways to help anyone who sets an intention for the new year. Ask your friends to give you a role in their new commitments so that you can be a part of what they want. Furthermore, most of the time, we have to resolve to do something over and over again before it actually gets done. We have only “failed” once we stop trying.
So if you happen to read these words and have a New Years Resolution on your heart. Please share it with me. You will receive the full support of my spirit, my power and my energy. I will pray for you. I will script for you. I will check in with you. This is how we love one another.
4. Speaking of scripting. I’ve decided to have a Vision Board Party on December 8th. You are invited. I hope you come.
5. The other half of my Soul reprimands me whenever I grade myself. But I have to be honest. This Autumn has definitely been a C- for me. I had such an excellent Spring and Summer. I lost lots of weight and gained a lot of muscle. I practiced the drums all the time. I learned more Spanish this year than I ever have. I was on top of this whole taking care of self in order to take care of Self thing. But when the Autumn hit, the inner slacker took over and I’ve spent more time on this couch than I did in the spring and summer combined. So a lot of the progress I made has been undone…
…but not all of it. I have some very good foundations to build upon and considering all the other things that are changing in my world, I might as well start today. Which is what I have done. I’m pretty sure this Winter is going to get an A.
Well that’s all for now. This is pretty much all that I’m processing through at this time. If it seems like I’m struggling, then please be assured I am not. This was just some reflections on the moment I’m living in right now. I love being alive. This is one hell of a journey. I see why my Soul wanted to come dance with you all. Everything is beautiful.